Tuesday, March 30, 2010

If you want a girl who's sentimental...

I know I'm a train wreck, and it seems like I'm always apologizing for one reason or another. I'm not even going to try and negate that, because it's the truth. Instead, I want to say how grateful I am to have such supportive readers. You all are wonderful. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I cried my eyes out while reading through the comments and emails from all of you.

It has been a really tough year, but I am okay. I just had an amazing weekend with my dad's side of the family and it really turned things around. Pop-Pop's funeral was so much more than that - it was a celebration of his life and the people he loved, which is the way it should be. Seeing my family was just what I needed. We were only missing a handful of people, which is pretty incredible, since our family is huge. I'll post pictures another day, but if you're friends with me on facebook, you can see them for yourself (I just posted a whole album).

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate your support, and let you know I'm still breathing. These photos have absolutely nothing to do with this post (although I did wear the same dress to the funeral), but I happened to have them on my camera and was excited to be able to post something a little more on task. They're obviously a little old (I'm still in Florida) but they're new to the blog:)

Outfit details:
Dress and blazer: H&M
shoes: Jeffrey Campbell
belt: Beacon's closet

Love love and everlasting gratitude,
Keiko Lynn

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Love is watching someone die.

Rowdy and me, during one of our last fluid treatments.

I wrote this the other day but only just got out to Sebastian to post it.

It's March twenty-second and an hour past noon, forty-nine hours after I lost Rowdy, my horse and friend of twenty years. I'm having a hard time sitting up without gasping from pain, and I am reminded by every aching inch of my body that a mere girl of my stature is incapable of holding down a frantic horse, ineffectual in containing him as he struggles. Yet that's what I did as I gave the okay for the vet to put him to sleep; I held him down, laid across him with my feet digging into the ground and whispered over and over:

"It's okay, it'll all be better. I love you, I love you. You are such a good boy."

I never let go of him, foolish as it may have been, even as he backed himself into a corner of fencing, his mane and catheter ensnared in a tree's limbs. He was rearing and coming down blindly, falling on top of me as I untangled him from the branches. I refused to let him hurt himself in his panic; I did everything I could to keep him on the ground. As his gums went grey, we quickly made the decision to put him to sleep. Euthanasia is a merciful gift we are able to give our furry loved ones, and in that moment, I was grateful to be able to bring him that peace. My hands were shaking and I was weeping as I lay over him, but he was not alone. I was with him until his last breath.

Dr. Ciaccarelli ran to her truck and came back with a syringe full of bright pink liquid that she quickly flushed through his catheter, the same catheter that brought him a dose of Banamine (a pain killer) just moments earlier and then tangled itself in the branches of a barren citrus tree. Later on, it was supposed to carry 3000 mL of fluid through his body and in return, make him feel a little relief. Our daily routine of IV fluids came to be his favorite time of day - we had lots of bonding time during those hours. He would turn around and give me a gentle nudge to let me know he was getting restless, or a nuzzle just to show me love. It came to be my favorite time of day, too. It was a welcome comfort to see him feel better, his eyes visibly brighter. This unfamiliar, brightly hued fluid made him feel better, too - but his eyes began to dim and everything faded. I rubbed his cheek and muzzle and kissed the broken star on his forehead, talking to him even after he was gone. The vet braided his tail in sections and clipped them for me, reassured me that I did everything I could have possibly done. I appreciated the genuine sorrow in her eyes; the vets at East Coast Equine were absolutely wonderful from start to finish.

Once the vet left and we were alone, I fell to pieces. I laid with Rowdy's lifeless body for three hours, until they came to bury him. They picked me up and helped me inside; my legs just refused to support me.

I couldn't stand to watch them bury him. I gathered my wits, grabbed his lead rope and a braided lock of his tail and sped off to the preserve, where I screamed until my throat was completely raw. That's one of the beauties of being in the country: no one can hear you. I screamed and cried and drove around the empty dirt trails - I allowed myself to completely lose it for about an hour before heading back. I caught a glimpse of myself in the broken rear view mirror; I looked like a crazy person. I was covered in dirt, leaves, blood and tears. The left side of my body was sunburnt from laying in the same position for three hours.

At this point, most of you are probably finding me horribly melodramatic, maybe even mildly insane. I don't expect many people to understand and I couldn't possibly care less if my image is marred by this recount of events. I have said time and again that the worst experience of my life was watching Spanky (my first horse) die, and this time is no different. I've endured the passing of family members and friends and many of my animal friends, too. I've even been present for some. But there is nothing that compares to watching these beautiful, majestic, massive creatures fall. Horses are fragile, and they fall hard. One moment they are absolutely fine and full of life, then they are gone. Something as small as a tummy ache can turn into a deadly ailment if it's not caught in time. Since they are unable to tell us what's wrong, we have to watch them closely, and when we miss something, it can be deadly. But it isn't just fragility and size that make it difficult to cope with the loss of a horse, it's the irreplaceable companionship. There is a particular place in my heart that is completely off limits, save for my original three: Spanky, Shawn and Rowdy. With Spanky and Rowdy gone, I am terrified of losing my little baby boy, Shawn. I am absolutely terrified.

There's a reason why horse lovers are so devoted. There's a reason why, as kids, every shirt we wear has a horse on it and our belts are tooled with their names. There's a reason why, in times of economic strife, our horses are better fed than ourselves. But the truth is, you have to be one of those crazy horse lovers in order to understand it. There is nothing that can compare to the bond of a girl and her horse, or in our (my sisters and my) case, horses. From the time we were little kids, we turned to our three horses for happiness and stability. They were the most wonderful part of my childhood, possibly one of the only positive aspects in general. That's why I'm such an animal lover; they have never let me down. The problem is that we almost always outlive our companions and the loss is overwhelming - and that's exactly what I'm feeling: overwhelmed. It's like I can't remember how to breathe properly.

"Let's Get Rowdy" was a registered Appendix who stood sixteen hands high. He was a Grand Champion with exquisite bloodlines, was exceptionally fast and cut barrels like no other. Above all the bells and whistles, he was my family. This week, I'm mourning the loss of two family members - my grandpa's funeral is this weekend. The main difference is that I don't have much of a right to grieve for my grandpa, since we weren't that close. So if you think it's weird that I'm writing a thousand times more about Rowdy than I did about my grandpa, consider this: Rowdy was a bigger part of my family and more important to me than even my dad ever was. So, my mourning is a little different in my grandpa's situation - I'm so sad that he's gone, but I'm even more upset that I never got the chance to know him the way my cousins did. We'll just leave it at that.

I'm not really asking for anyone to fully understand this...I just want to let you know where my head is, since I haven't been around and probably won't be all that active while I'm still in Fellsmere. I still have Shawn, Diablo, Cocoa, Thelma, Louise and Miku to look after, which is keeping me from spending my days in bed, but I'm not ready to go on with my normal life just yet. This weekend is my grandpa's funeral...I guess I'll give myself until then.

Love love,
Keiko Lynn

p.s. After I wrote this, I took an axe to that cursed citrus tree, chopping off all of the offending branches. Strands of Rowdy's mane were still dangling from its limbs.

I just couldn't bear to look at it anymore.

p.p.s. I drove to my grandpa's house to use their internet. I still don't have a computer or internet connection, but if you bought something, you should have received an email from Kim or Bobby - and your items will be sent out by one of them. Please understand.

Monday, March 15, 2010

FHL (Eff Her Life)

Hi Darlings. Kimberly Grace here, with an update from Keiko. Please take note if you have ordered something from Postlapsaria.

Keiko left for the airport earlier last week and found out her grandfather had passed away. She drove from South Florida to Fellsmere to find that Rowdy, her horse of 20 years, is extremely ill. She spent the weekend taking care of him and dealing with the vet. She got her sister's truck stuck in the mud while out there. When she got back to South Florida, she had to take her sister's dogs to the vet for emergency care. And to top it all off, her computer got smashed while she was in Fellsmere.

Needless to say, it's been a rough week.

This post is to let you all know that she has no computer and can't update her site. If you bought something and got a confirmation through Paypal, then you will be receiving that item. If you are getting an error message, it means the item has already been sold.

Thank you so much for your understanding. Please send positive thoughts Keiko's way. She needs them!

Love love,
Kimberly Grace

Friday, March 12, 2010

Cleaning Out My Closet - Sale!

I'm trying to get rid of things (and make some extra money to make up for my sick time), so I listed fifteen things (to start) from my own closet. Please check it out - they're up in their own section (under Keiko's Closet) on Postlapsaria. Scroll to the bottom to see everything. I also put some of the handmade stuff on sale, so check that out as well!

Lots more at the site...please take a look:)

Love love,
Keiko Lynn

On Your Wings.

Outfit Details:
Blazer - thrifted
Steven Alan shirt - courtesy of Gilt
jeans - courtesy of IndiDenim
boots - thrifted
bag - courtesy of Coach

Sorry for the slow week. I flew to Florida the other day, and on the way to the airport I received some awful news. My grandfather (on my dad's side) passed away; I've been in a kind of weird place since then. So it goes. I'll be in Florida for awhile; the funeral isn't for another couple of weeks. Rest in peace, Pop Pop.

I'll still be updating - since I was sick, I have a few outfits that haven't yet been posted. I'm also selling some clothing from my own closet, so look out for that post later today.

Love love,
Keiko Lynn

p.s. Something that made me smile: Roxy told me that Pop Pop is on a cloud right now, on his way to heaven, because he has wings now. I just want to hug her every second I'm around her.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Hair Tutorial and New Clothing at Emerging Thoughts!

Keiko Lynn Hair Styling Tutorial from Emerging Thoughts on Vimeo.

I finally made a little tutorial, since I get so many questions about my hair on a daily basis. Click here to see it on Emerging Thoughts!

p.s. While you're there, be sure to check out the new Postlapsaria skirts, dresses and tops that I made for Emerging Thoughts, here and here.

Love love,
Keiko Lynn

Friday, March 5, 2010

Unicorn Dreams

Remember when I first spotted these shoes and almost died on the spot? They have a unicorn horn for a heel; it's like they were made for me. Well, I'm a very lucky girl because Modcloth sent them to me right before the IFB Evolving Influence conference, along with this cute little dress and these gloves I've been wearing nonstop. I did what I always do with new things: I wore them all at once. I used to do that the first week of school - I would wear all of my new school clothes within the first week and then I'd have nothing but old clothes left until laundry day. Come to think of it, I also do that with groceries. I guess I'm impatient and gluttonous.

Outfit Details:
dress, gloves and unicorn heels: courtesy of Modcloth
Reworked teal jacket: thrifted
bow belt: thrifted
bow necklace: gift from Mascara or Motor Oil
reworked vintage rhinestone and chain necklace: courtesy of Corvus Noir
tights: Target

Love love,
Keiko Lynn

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Wash, Wear, Repeat.

Something you should know about me: I exhaust the things I love. My favorite songs are played on repeat until everyone wants to throw my computer out the window, every Pushing Daisies and Arrested Development episode has been watched several times. I play specific scenes from Romeo + Juliet over and over and ever since Jeremy introduced me to this commercial, I'm pretty sure Kim and I have watched it ten times.

Clothing and accessories are no exception. I probably have about fifty pairs of shoes, but I always reach for the same select few. My bag? Until I find something comparable to switch it up a bit (it's the perfect bag for me), it is what I will use 90% of the time. And this bow belt - forget it. I wear it every other day, despite having an obscene collection of belts. I get comfortable with something and reach for it instinctively. Not to mention, since I wore them the other day, they happen to be within reach, draped over my chair or sitting next to the door. I haven't decided whether or not this is a habit that needs to be broken...maybe I should branch out a little more, though. I know you all must be tired of seeing the same thing over and over.

I did manage to infuse some life into my tired closet via my new fringe skirt, which came to me courtesy of Shop Mamie. I met Amy, one half of the Shop Mamie duo, during fashion week and the lot of us (Amanda, Samara and Kim included) were attached at the hip all day and night. I thought about wearing my new skirt the day we met up, but it's always a little awkward being that girl. I love the movement of fringe skirts (I still need to return Samara's to her...); it makes walking around so much more enjoyable. I have a tendency to strut a little more when there is something to be put in motion, especially when paired with a really great song on my iPod. I guess I like to pretend I'm living in a movie, soundtrack and all. Does anyone else do that?

Outfit Details:
coat - forever 21
scarf - Bobby's (from my mom)
shirt - Beacon's Closet
belt - thrifted
skirt - courtesy of Shop Mamie
tights - courtesy of We Love Colors
shoes - Alice & Olivia for Payless
bag - courtesy of Coach
bow gloves - courtesy of ModCloth

Love love,
Keiko Lynn

Carmen Steffens Preview

On Amanda's last day in NYC, the three of us (Kim, Amanda and I) headed to the Carmen Steffens preview at the Waldorf Astoria, followed by a farewell lunch at the SoHo Grand. We spent her last day in two different hotels...how odd!

Our gracious hosts (shown above) gave us a peek at some of their new shoes and bags, which are all hand-crafted and made in extremely limited runs (though the line is extensive). They are expanding to more US stores but are currently an international brand, based out of Brazil. While I'm sure they'll find success wherever they go, since exclusivity is a major perk in fashion, I can especially see them thriving in Miami. My personal favorites were the more understated nude platform pumps, but Mariah Carey favors the last pair (which are called the Mariah), which were made for one of her videos. They are very Mariah, aren't they?

A big thank you to the lovely people at Carmen Steffens for their hospitality (and delicious chocolates and pomegranate black pepper juice). We look forward to seeing more in the states!

Love love,
Keiko Lynn