Saturday, May 29, 2010

I hope it finds you smiling again...

...until never begins, until forever ends.

This has been, for lack of a better description, a freaking weird year. I don't want to say "bad," because it was scattered with little hints of out-of-this-world-amazing, and what's the use in grading your life, anyway? It is what it is. I am as lucky as I am unlucky, and as resilient as I am hopeless. My entire life has been equal parts extraordinary beauty and tragedy, with a period of lulls between. If it was anything but, I might be an entirely different girl. Despite my pitfalls and bouts of self-deprecation, I am usually certain of one thing: I like the girl I am. I am flawed; I am absolutely out of my mind sometimes. I make questionable life choices in moments of sheer stubbornness and over-analyze everything in my path, no matter how simplistic it may be. My head is in the clouds, but my feet have a difficult time doing much more than holding steady. In addition to all of that crazy I just introduced you to, I'm also intelligent, driven, passionate, mildly talented and a barrel of freakin' teddy bears and candy.

In short, I am just one big mess of a girl. Wouldn't my life be an absolute bore if I wasn't?

I've done this before, but I have a whole throng of new readers. Therefore, here are some new facts about me:

- I enjoy the act of falling in love so much more than being. It's dynamic. Frustrating, exciting, nauseating. It's the comfort that comes afterward that most people crave, but I miss the butterflies and uncertainty.

- I make a great deal of my decisions based on two things: logic and cowardice. Sometimes I have a hard time telling the difference.

- I hate feeling vulnerable. I don't know anyone who likes it, but I really, really hate it. That being said, I apparently have no problem sharing personal matters with the internet world. How's that for a paradox?

- My favorite Smashing Pumpkins song is Mayonaise. It's probably my favorite song from the 90s, period.

- I have been in love more than once. Each time has been a completely different feeling.

- I have also been in love with more than one person at once. Judge away.

- I have a huge crush on Mark Ballas from Dancing With the Stars. Swoon.

- My first "date" was half-blind. I had no idea he didn't know me; my friend left that part out. He basically ignored me the whole night, and eventually ran away - literally. I didn't see him again until a year or two later. When we made eye contact, he jogged away...again. What an odd guy!

- I'm honest to a fault. And yes, I consider it a fault.

- It's Saturday night and I'm updating my blog - and simultaneously making Tessa's dress for her 8th grade dance.

- I bawl every time I see the Desmond/Penny scene in Lost ("The Constant"). I have watched it a dozen times and I cry every. single. time.

- My prom date was my gay best friend. He talked me out of wearing jeans underneath my dress. I was a weird girl.

- I want to have this girl's outlook on life. I can do anything good!

- My favorite driving song is Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" - such a good song to drive to! Tawny Kitaen had all the moves back then.

- My first rat's name was Splinter. She (yes, she) was fancy, but not a master of martial arts.

- Mad Girl's Love Song is one of my favorite poems.

- Fresh orange blossoms are one of my favorite scents. I'm a Florida girl, what can I say?

I would love to get to know any of you who are willing to participate. Tell me some random things about you - your strengths, weaknesses, interests - whatever strikes your fancy.

Love love,
Keiko Lynn


  1. i'm a little worried that i'm going to end up with no friends.
    i've forgotten how to make them! none of my old school friends are anything like me anymore, and although my fiance and i are stupid happy, sometimes i need another ear, another relationship.
    i think this is an excellent thing you're doing.
    i really love and admire blogs who actually let some of themselves into their posts, not just what they want this season.

  2. Haha! My prom (we called it out grad) date would have been my gay friend Todd, however he went with another girl and I went with three of my best friends! But no jeans under dresses.

    I've never fallen in love, I would like to but I think I'm scared.

    I cry at the end of Love Actually and The Princess Bride. Neither have sad endings but it's just so emotional and I get so overwhelmed! Also, at the end of the last Harry Potter book I bawled my eyes out for about an hour with joy and also.. overwhelmedness (word?)

  3. Leah:
    It's natural for people to evolve and grow out of relationships. I used to worry about the same thing. You have to open yourself up to new experiences. Also, utilize the internet. I know it sounds weird, but it definitely helps with making new friends.

  4. Gracie: I cry in weird scenes of movies and books, sometimes. Also, some songs bring me to tears for no reason. haha.

  5. My biggest weakness is insecurity, and sometimes I feel like Ill never be happy with who I am... This is weird! Saying this to complete strangers! Keiko, keep on loving! Im not judging ;)


  6. everything i do is based on logic but it's based on logic that stems from straight terror. i can make anything sound logical.

    i'm the queen of self-sabotage when it comes to relationships because of the "the butterflies and uncertainty. "

    you are so similar to me that it's eerie.

  7. especially because my middle name is keiko and my mom's name is lynn!

  8. Hmm.. a random list

    I definitely make decisions based on my heart rather than my head, to my detriment sometimes, but often things work out for the best.

    I have never been "in love", or in any type of love that was reciprocated, well not the romantic type at least. I'm unfortunately more in the unrequited love category, always on the wrong side of the equation, not the right.

    I feel everything fiercely which is sometimes wonderful and promotes creativity but sometimes is not so fabulous.

    I embarassingly cry in almost any touching movie or tv show. The latest movie example being The Time Traveller's Wife, the latest show example being One Tree Hill.

    When I am stressed I bake, and share it with people so I don't eat it all myself! Whoopie pies can seriously cure whatever ails you though.

  9. 1) I too like the feeling off falling in love. I am always looking for that thrill. After dating a guy and getting into that comfort zone I start to find faults. I need that excitement and butterflies too.

    2) I fell in love with a guy when I was with my exbf of 2 years.

    3) I'm not usd to having a lot of friends. I'm weird, shy, and I am constantly twitchy. I prefer books and sewing. I just have to have my own time or I get nervous.

    4) I'm obsessed with Peter pan, zooey deschanel, and

    You know you are so lively. I usually get sick of blogs and the way people act. You just seem very sweet :) thank you for having a great blog!

  10. I'm 27...and I think I have never been this happy. It's weird because many of the things happening around my life are pretty much the same as the last year(s).

    I have the same job.
    I have the same debts.
    I still have no boyfriend.
    I gained (more) weight for like the zillion time.
    I not studying/working/living outside of my country.
    I've been smoking regularly.
    I'm in love with a talented/goodlooking/(foreign)/artist/
    ...he likes me... (or sort of) but again it is all "complicated".

    The only one big change is that I moved from my parent's house for the very 1st time, now I live in a beautiful place in "the city"... and don't waste 4 hours each day on bus/subway/taxi to get to my job.


    Oh... I forgot about last trip. Spring again. The same city. A couple of dreams. The new/favorite breakfast/sunday.

    But I'm sure this "happiness" isn't all beacause of that. I think it also has to do with choices, decisions and new points of view. It's more about me being less surprised but yet amazed by things going fine or wrong. It's about growing but wanting to stay young.

    My 1st hamster's name was Brandon Walsh.

    Abrazo grande, Keiko.


  11. My biggest fear is never achieving any of my dreams. That, and heights.

    Right now, I have one friend. Somehow I think that should bother me, but it really doesn't, because I know that it's better than having twenty toxic people in my life.

    Sometimes I take things with no emotion, handling them quickly and never looking back. Then some things, generally small, I make into a big deal and get very upset about. The day I got into a huge fight with my exbest friend, I felt nothing. The day I found out that a mentally challenged man that I didn't even know died, I cried for over ten minutes.

    I'm a typical teenager. I don't know who I am, but I'm trying. I feel like I'm growing up too fast, but I also feel like I'm shaping in to who I want to be.

    I love cats, typewriters, and old, neglected dictionaries.

    I also love this blog.

    Thanks for sharing, and letting us do the same.


  12. Oh my god Keiko, that little girl!! haha! I need to pep talk myself in the mirror like that, every morning.

    I could never sit down and ever compile a list of odd, random things about me, because I'd go on forever. I have realized lately, just how weird I am. I'll tell you my most recent one.
    Yesterday while watching Michael play volleyball with his friends, I found a baby bluejay that fell out of its nest. I spent the next 2 hours digging, chopping up, and feeding it earth worms. Then I realized that I want to have a baby so bad, that I had just spent 2 hours digging up, chopping, and feeding earth worms to a baby bluejay that I was trying to mother.

    One more thing on my weird list.

  13. It's sad that you worry (with good reason, I suppose) that people would judge you for loving more than one person. I can understand that fear of being judged for being unfaithful, but love is hard to contain and dole out in little measurements. It's intangible and endless. Infinite. I think we can love our partner and be absolutely 100% faithful to them and still love other people (I mean romantically) without it being an issue of fidelity, but a journey of self discovery.

    But, I am a bit more open minded in this area I suppose.

    So here is my weird tidbit that not many people know: I am in a polyamorous relationship and have been for over two years. My opinion, therefore, is probably biased.

  14. ~ In the second grade my teacher yelled at me in front of everyone for not writing in complete sentences, waded up my paper, threw it in the trash and made me go back to my seat and start the assignment all over again. From that moment on (up until middle school) I would start crying any time I didn’t understand something right away for fear of messing up or looking stupid. I am still a stresser and a perfectionist to this very day.

    ~ Wednesday I found out I was accepted into the Masters of Teaching Program at Pacific University... I haven't been this happy in quite some time...

    ~ I am horribly self conscience about my teeth and my smile. For some reason I feel overly exposed when I smile and show my teeth.

    ~ Last month I had to become Vegan for health purposes (I have Ulcerative Colitis): I wish I would have done it sooner.

    ~ Four years ago I met the love of my life. On August 10th we will be celebrating 3 years together as a couple. He has made my life worth living again... he has made me proud to be me... he has allowed me to chase after my dreams.

    ~ As much as I have just gushed about my boyfriend, if Hugh Jackman showed up at my doorstep and asked me to marry him I would have no choice but to say yes. Sorry Cory (A part of me will always love you) ;)

    ~ If I wasn't an artist, illustrator and future teacher, I would bea wedding cake decorator. I love cooking, ESPECIALLY baking. Other dream careers of mine include being a Disney Princess (I swear, if they called me up right now to be Ariel or Snow White I would hop right on a plane immediately), a librarian (which I declared to my parents at the age of five due to my love of reading), Fashion Designer, children’s book illustrator (which I’m diligently pursuing), Zoologist (I absolutely love animals) and Broadway Musical star (Sadly, I cannot sing or dance).

    So there you are, a few facts about me. Thank you so much for sharing yours!!

  15. Sarah Dee: I think that's a common insecurity - you're not alone:)

  16. biracial: That is weird! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this way.

  17. Becca Jane: Most of my love has been unrequited, or severely off balance. Also, move to Brooklyn and I will gladly eat your baked goods.

  18. Jasmine: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy my blog. I'm also glad that there are people who can relate to me, because it gives me people to relate to, as well.

  19. Gina SG: That just means your perspective has changed. That can be a very good thing:)

  20. Kaylie: When it comes to friends, quality over quantity. Always.

  21. Aura: Number one, you should have a baby immediately. I'm already addicted to your blog but I would die to see baby bump pictures - and you and Michael would be the cutest parents ever. How creepy am I?

    Number two - I do the same thing with helpless little creatures, except I only want to be a mother to animals. haha!

  22. Shannon! You cannot give me a tiny tidbit of information and not expect me to probe. I'm so curious now...I need details. We have been friends since the days of Open Diary...tell me!

  23. Jade: I also have a dream of being a Disney Princess. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I would drop everything to be Snow White!

  24. I´m kind of afraid/shy/whoknowswhat
    about showing my face in my blog ( How normal is this? lol

    I own too much clothes, even some that I love but I´ve never worn.

    I live in such a small village that... Everyone talks about everyone, what makes me feel shy about dress/do how/what I really love.

    Again. How normal is this?

  25. I think you would make the most Amazing Snow White Keiko Lynn :) lol
    I think growing up I always wanted princess Jasmin's love story with a Cinderella life story weakness is that instead of allowing failure to strengthen me knocks me very far back before I can regain composure. :/ ....after reading this I realize more and more I'm not the only girl with problems especially with love.

  26. -I don't like the way butterflies move...they make me nervous!
    -I can't figure out what I want to be when I grow up... and I'm pretty grown up.
    -Plus I'll be twenty in July, two whole decades... and what have I done worth mentioning?
    -But my only goal in life is to be happy... and at this moment, I'm pretty darn happy :)
    P.S.: This is my favorite blog, my must read. shh don't tell!

  27. It just amazes me how I can be so confused about... everything. It's nice sometimes to read your blog and feel like I'm not the only one out there who can have absolutely no idea what to do with herself (regarding anything) but still somehow manage to smile.

    Keep doing what you're doing.

  28. -i love popping bubble wraps. i have a stash i keep inside a huge box underneathe my desk.
    -i'm happiest when i'm singing. i used to perform a lot in high school, but when i got to college, i stopped. i miss it terribly, so i'm thinking of taking voice lessons soon!
    -most of the time, my best friends annoy the shit out of me, but i love them to bits.
    -i love caramel & vanilla!
    -my boyfriend & i are each other's firsts (in all aspects). i love him unconditionally & want to marry him, but sometimes, i wonder if i'm missing out on something or someone.
    -at the moment, i have no idea what i really want to do in the future in the terms of career, but i know i want to be doing something that i'm passionate about & come home to the people i love every single day.
    -when i'm down, i always draw inspiration from Oriah Mountain Dream's The Invitaion.

  29. I am a huge West Wing nerd, and I cry like crazy everytime I watch the Season 1 finale and first episode of Season 2. And I've watched them both dozens of times.

  30. My 'formal' (the Australian prom) was a gay guy too who still graciously went with me even though I was going in fancy dress. I'd argued for a fancy dress formal and got kicked off the organising committe for it, haha. I also once got kicked out of puppy pre-school, my dog was allowed to go back if somebody else took him. I kill songs, and I have really itchy feet to keep travelling.

  31. LOL, I admit it is a cruel tidbit to give with no further explanation, isn't it? But, I am hesitant to reveal all in your comments (no offense to your lovely readers, I can be strangely private and an open book all at once. In this case, I am the first).

    Perhaps it is a conversation better suited to Facebook private messages, where I would be happy to expand on it as it is a subject I have many thoughts on. I plan to write a blog entry about it, but never have yet.

    But, I am sure you can see now why I am aghast to see you worry about people judging you for loving more than one person at once.

  32. PS - That little girl made my life, seriously. And I forgot to mention that the happiest I've ever been in my life is the past 21 months since my boy Nick & I got together. Not because I'm lame (though I am tragically codependent) but because he encourages me and makes me do the things I always thought about but never had the guts to go through with.

  33. I don't judge on the loving more than one thing - Especially now I find myself in a situation where I have growing feelings for another outside of my relationship....and I don't want to lie about it or hide it but it's not the socially accepted thing to even *think* about these things.
    But I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much for someone else when I still love my partner. I guess love really is endless.

    On another note - A confession...I know I am capable of achieving anything and am good at anything I do, yet my art is a constant source of fear. Why is the one thing I want to succeed at most, the one thing that I can't tackle like everything else??

  34. This was such a generous post to us readers. Thanks for sharing some tidbits. I just might do this soon on my page. :)

    P.S. -- My dancing with the Stars crush is Maksim...oh Lord, I love him from head to toe, but I can tell he's one of those guys who would be a total jerk, prob...oh well...

  35. I love learning about you and everyone's life.

    I too am honest. So much so that I have to be careful all the time of what I say because I am told I'm too honest. I try to be so in a very loving way. It is hard because some people are sensitive and I am one who likes and takes criticism well. I have a high confidence level and have a hard time dealing with people who lack self esteem.

  36. Hi Keiko!

    I've been reading your blog since last September. It's been really inspiring for me in my fashion and in my aspirations.

    I don't normally ever comment. I'm a blog reader recluse, but for some reason I feel like jumping in. I think my biggest weakness is I dwell on the past too much. I let myself regret and wish I'd done thing different and I have a hard time getting excited about the future and moving ahead.

    P.S My first pet was a pet hamster named Splinter. We didn't care that it wasn't actually a rat. Haha!

  37. I'm afraid. My parents' are just about to get devorce, and I'm afraid of what's going to happen next. I can talk to my brother, and he says that everything is going to be okey, he's telling me this while he is crying. I can't really belive him then. So, that's who I am... afraid, and swedish, that's the reason of my bad spelling.

  38. Whitesnake love! I can confess publicly to that, now that you have too.

    My strength is my willingness to forgive. And my weakness... is my willingness to forgive.

    I'm scared of butterflies, because of the way they move. They could be ON me, and I WOULDN'T KNOW!!! Panic.

    My boyfriend, my partner, my soulmate- is 21 years older than me. I'm excited and terrified at the same time about what this means for our future.

    I wish I was brave enough to be blue-haired.

  39. - My name is Maja. It comes from the name ”Maya” which means ”princess” in arabic, and "illusion" or "enchantment" in sanskrit. I used to hate my name, but now I love it.

    - I’m an avid gay rights-supporter. Love knows no gender.

    - I was an atheist for the first 18 years of my life, now I'm studying to be a priest in the Church of Sweden

    - I prefer fake flowers, made of fabric. Plants die on me, they just don’t like me. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)

    - My biggest turn-off is bigotry. narrow minds and disrespect.

    - I’m a hugger. If I like you, I’ll hug you.

    - I drink too much Cocacola.
    I’m okay with it.

  40. -I'm 26 but regularly get mistaken for a teen most likly because I'm exceptionally small.
    -I never learned how to ride a bike...
    -I love obscure foreign and independent films.
    -I daydream on a daily basis and bore easily.
    -It freaks me out when people stand too close to me/invade my personal space....
    -Marriage and motherhood frighten me, but I'd lie to experience both.

  41. I think my biggest weakness is loving and not being able to let go once the love is gone (be it with a lover or friend).

    Strengths? Probably building a solid career for myself so that no one will have to take care of me. But I must admit, its exhausting!! Sometimes I just want to let go and fall back on someone for a little bit.

    Dark quirky tidbit? I'm scared of eating something alone one day, choking on it, and not a single soul knowing. >.<

    Silly quirky tidbit? I'm abnormally obsessed with all things Hello Kitty. In college, my friends and I would study for our exams but race to the nearest Sanrio store after -- as a reward. Its sick, I know.

  42. This post reminds me that I need to do a self check :)

    My strength are being creative not only in art but sticky situations. My weakness is saying no to people and getting out of bed to start my day. Also sometimes I'm gullible.

    Cupid De Locke is my favorite Smashing Pumpkins song.

    When I was 15, to make a mark on womanhood I had a friend pierce my top left ear after I got dumped by a boy. A few years later we became friends I still have that piercing after 7yrs.

    When I'm driving I like to listen to Fun, Fun, Fun by the Beach Boys, I think it's because I drive a T-Bird and I feel like an ace.

    It used to bother me that I'm plus-sized because I wasn't in high school. BUT now I love my curves because I feel powerful and strong.

    I go alone to visit my dads grave site because I don't want my mother or anyone else to see me cry.

    I like to get lost in Jane Austen written words.

  43. Aw, I liked this post.

    You seem to have lots of random facts to read about people so I'm just going to leave you with one:

    We used to be livejournal friends back in the day. ;)

  44. I love that you're replying to people, that makes this whole post even more sweet and genuine.

    -I've never eaten red meat in my entire life. I don't really know why, I just don't have a desire to.

    -I have 6 brothers and sisters, but none are full siblings to me.

    -I (like others who have posted) don't have many friends in real life. I never have. I use the internet and my blog to make friends, and I think it's *just* starting to work.

    -I buy most of my clothes from Target, and I haven't spent more than probably $60 on one item before.

    -I think you're fabulous!


  45. Sorry my English!
    I love your work and your photos, you're beautiful and smart.
    I am Brazilian and lives in Italy.
    I'm 35 and cry when someone yells at me and I'm not sleeping or sad when I see animals mistreated or abandoned. I love the silence and be alone, but also love to sleep hugging my husband. They give me joy and will to live, pistachio ice cream too!
    This is me, dreamy, cheerful, kind, loving, cook, psychologist, friend ....
    A big hug

  46. - I fear nothing more than having a bland, predictable, average life.

    - I have a giant crush on Robert Downey Jr.

    - I fall in love with characters in books. :o)

    - I've never really been good at anything.

    - sometimes I feel resentful towards the universe/God/fate for giving me this intense passion and longing for something I will never succeed in.

    - I have stage fright, but I'm not shy.

    - I still get nervous about walking or standing for a long time in heels. and it still hurts my feet. I'm hoping that goes away eventually.

    - I have an extreme case of wanderlust. I want to go everywhere and see everything so bad it hurts.

    - I hate the way I look in pictures. I try not to let it seep into real life.

    - I have a love affair with thai food.

    - I always imagine being interviewed on a talk show and talking about my life after I'm successful. I think I'd like to be on Ellen!

    I did a lot!

  47. What scares me the most?
    That I'll end up being alone. I just ended my 3 year relationship. Before that I ended my 10year relationship with a guy I was engaged to. I cry a lot, but only when no one is around to see me.
    Thanks for this post, sweetie.

  48. I like being 30 a lot more than I liked being 20.

    I'm going on vacation in a couple weeks, and I can't wait.

    I wish I had room in my house for another cat or dog, but I don't.

    I met some of my closest friends on the internet, on a wedding planning website of all places.

    I have spent way too much money on plants and cheap wine this weekend.

  49. "In addition to all of that crazy I just introduced you to, I'm also intelligent, driven, passionate, mildly talented and a barrel of freakin' teddy bears and candy."

    -- yea that's good : D

    i wanna see more girls being sure of themselves!

    - stargirl

  50. My prom date was my gay best friend...I talked him out of dyeing his hair red for prom.

  51. Here's my random list:

    I never learned how to ride a bike! I'm just not that steady on wheels.

    My voice is too soft and girlish in my opinion.

    I'm pretty much a closed book. I don't like letting people know how I feel if that feeling isn't good.

    I have this fear that people won't like me.

    I'm a huge bookworm.

    I'm pretty sure the reason I'm so shy is that when I was younger I couldn't say the letter r right. I was afraid if I said anything the kids at school would make fun of the way I talked.

    Eyeliner scares me. I can only get it about half an inch to my eye then I freeze.

    I really, really want to get contacts. I have this awkward looking tan line around my eyes that I would love to get rid of. But I'm really attached to my glasses.

    I really hate when my friend calls me a "damsel in distress".

    And I really love that you shared random things about yourself and that you're actually answering back to those who are sharing things about themselves.

  52. Blath: I think it's pretty normal to be nervous about putting your face on the internet! But really, it's entirely up to you. It's nice to have a face to go with the blog, but not entirely necessary. Do what makes you comfortable.

  53. Maggie: I think I would make a great Snow White, too! Haha;) And when it comes to love, I think it's weird to NOT have any issues with it.

  54. Christine: You aren't the only one! A lot of people have told me they're afraid of butterflies. haha. And don't worry, I won't tell;)

  55. Anna: I go through half of life completely blind. Sometimes I prefer it that way.

  56. Gela: Who doesn't love bubble wrap?! It's so much fun!

  57. Kelcey: At first, I read that as "a huge Kanye West nerd" - which would have been completely different. haha

  58. Chelsea: How did you get kicked out of puppy pre-school?! hahaha

  59. Esz: I think creative outlets leave us most vulnerable. I really think that is a huge reason so many of us stifle ourselves, creatively.

  60. Amanda: I really like how Maksim and Erin are together. She challenges him and makes him seem like less of a jerk. Previous seasons, I thought he was so arrogant. I prefer nerdy little Mark!

  61. Justice Pirate: My friend Drew Lindo is the most honest person I know. He is sometimes criticized for it, or maybe it hurts some people - but I respect that so much about him. It's rare.

  62. Marianne: I dwell on the past, too. I think a lot of people do; it's human nature. The important thing is to keep moving forward, even if you look back now and then.

  63. Frida: Divorce is a scary thing to deal with, but you will all be okay. As unfortunate as it may be, it's even worse to stay in a relationship that is not right. It will hurt for some time, but it will eventually dissipate. As for your English, you are doing just fine. English is a difficult language to master; even those who learned English as their first language have a difficult time with it.

  64. Emma: I literally laughed out loud at your butterfly comment. Not because it's weird (a lot of people feel the same way) but because of your phrasing. I just started cracking up!

  65. Maja: You sound like the most interesting person in the world. No, seriously. Avid gay rights supporter, studying to be a priest? Those things usually don't go together - but that is extremely cool. Lots of respect for walking your own path.

  66. Shen Dove Style: Close talkers! Like on Seinfeld. I hate that!

  67. Emily: Sanrio is the BEST. It makes me so happy!

  68. Gypsy: If I had a t-bird, I would listen to the beach boys all the time!

  69. Kate: What was your lj name? I met another LJ friend in real life the other day!

  70. Susannah: Thank you! I have four sisters, but only one is full. Tessa and Nicole have different dads, and Johnna is my step-sister. I've made a lot of friends through's excellent for people like us who have a hard time otherwise.

  71. Cucchiaio pieno: I also love being alone. I think it's important to be able to be alone, sometimes.

  72. Sarah K: I used to imagine acceptance speeches for some awesome award. I would imagine thanking all of the people who treated me like crap. haha!

  73. Branka: The fact that you were in two very long term relationships just proves that you WON'T end up alone. Good luck to you<3

  74. Rebecca: More and more often, I've heard people praising their 30s. I guess I have something to look forward to!

  75. stargirl: Baby steps!

    Kati: Gay prom dates are the best.

  76. Juliajean: you may hate your soft, girlish voice, but I bet it makes guys melt. I have a kind of deep voice. I hate it. I guess we all want what we don't have!

  77. The Church of Sweden weds homosexual couples since about a year back.

    I'm deliriously happy.

    And thank you =)

  78. Love this post! :)
    It's really hard to pick something interesting from your life and just write it down here.
    I always think nothing will be interesting enough.
    I live in a village/town with the population of 900 people. Everybody knows everybody. I hate it sometimes. Every move you make is under a magnifier. ;)
    I'm a teacher. :)
    This is a start. If you want to know more, visit me at Me, Myself & Fashion.

    Hugs from Croatia

  79. Can I just say, this has been the best post ever, for everyone to share our hopes and fears and quirks so honestly, without being pointed and laughed at. It's kind of motivating me to get my ass in gear, seeing what everyone else has got going on. Thanks, Keiko :)

    Also, next time I see a butterfly I'm going to remember this post and do my best not to girl it up like somebody is chasing me with a wet fish.

  80. I'm straight forward, so people say I'm mean. That hurts, but I believe in being honest.

    I'm a microbiologist and I love my job!

    I'm a sucker for animals.

    I don't want to have kids and people say there is something wrong with me.

    I love who i am! :)

  81. You have so many interesting facts. I almost wish you had worn jeans under your prom dress--that would have been a twist!
    P.S. I love your blog for exactly what it is and how much you feel comfortable revealing. I think for everyone their blog is a reflection of themselves...I've been called secretive in real life and I come from a private family that doesn't even like to overshare with each other, my blog reflects that as well. I wish sometimes I was more the type to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I'm not and most of my friends and family aren't either...if they were, perhaps it all would be different again. :)

  82. My prom date was my gay best friend, too! What a coincidence.

  83. I also somehow share everything on my blog but not to my family. So strange. Sometimes I think "wait my mom is going to read this, I need to delete what I just wrote" because I know she will ask me about that. Weird huh? I do share with close friends though but opening up to people in person is one thing, it's just so much easier typing it on a blank screen.
    And I completely agree, life would be boring if there was no drama, you just need a good balance. :)

  84. My biggest fear is being alone, in the sense that I'll never find "the one" for me. I'm almost 21 so I know that's a little ridiculous, but I just can't help it. I mean, my first kiss was when I was 18 with a complete stranger, and my only relationship lasted 8 months, so it just worries me sometimes when I see other girls in awesome relationships. Especially since I don't think I'm terribly lacking in the looks department, and I'm pretty nice, smart, and funny.

    Kind of sad that with all that's happening in the world right now, that's my main concern.

  85. I loved reading this. It's so great to know that I'm not the only one who LOATHES feeling vulnerable. I cannot stand it. It gets in the way of my life all the time, especially when it comes to love.

    Oh, and Mayonaise is my favorite Smashing Pumpkins song too!


  86. Hi Keiko! I loved this post. :)

    I figured I should follow suit and say a few random things about me.

    1) When I was about 5, and found out my dad's middle name was Edward, I asked if I could call him "Eddy".

    2) I used to play mermaids in my backyard pool, and always wanted to be Ariel.

    3) I'm strong in my English skills, but very weak in Math.

    4) I'm majoring in nursing, but if I could be anything else, I'd be either a marine biologist, specializing in sharks, or a broadway/musical theatre actress, because I love the stage and love singing.

    and finally...

    5) I'm 22 now, but I feel so much older, like an old soul. I feel like I should have been born in the 30's, so I could be my age in the 50's, it's so much more my era.

    Well, there's a few things about me. Hope you enjoyed the read!



    fyi still loving that pink necklace I purchased from Postlapsaria. ♥

  87. Keiko, isn't it amazing how understanding people are when your blog sets a tone for certain kinds of readers and open-mindedness... I know you often say something expecting to be judged, but it seems you never are, because readers here are not your typical fingerpointers. I never envisioned something like blogs would exist, where PEOPLE, normal people, could say what they thought. Now I know what so many others believe in is not the crap in the media - we all see through it, love and life are so much more than the contrived caricatures so much of our modern "art" shows. It's a lonely world out there partly because of the wonder of blogs, but I am glad in a way to live a life in which I know the intimate thoughts of so many other people - honest thoughts, not small talk. Thanks for having that space.

    By the way, I live in BC and I just watched a documentary called Luna: An Orca's Love Story. If you choose to look into it, I should tell you.. I was incredibly touched when I watched it - since childhood I am completely triggered by tales of animals that try to befriend humans, whether they're wanted or not. But after a few YT comments I started thinking I wasn't getting the full story and the whale may have been fed and encouraged to stay back from rehabilitating with other whales. Sorry for the aside, but I know you love animals and I don't comment often!

    I wanted to ask you a technical question - how come the posts that automatically are suggested are always the same? not for all, but many, especially life-reflection ones.. i.e. friendly ghosts, lucky, hello, my name is.. i guess they're organized by theme, but I'm sure there are more recent ones on the topic, no?

  88. Loved reading this so much!
    Super-cute blog <3
    If you have the time, be sure to check mine out too - I also have a makeup and accessories giveaway going on, so have a look at that too ;)))

    Have a great day

  89. Hi Keiko! I am new to blogger, and just started reading your blog. It's wonderful.

    Some things:

    -My father died when I was 24 (3.5 years ago), and my brother and sister died last year. I allow myself to be weak and excuse myself from certain things because of this. I hope to get to a point when I can use it as a point of strength and an inspiration in how to move on... Right now, I am simply afraid of everything.

    -I was born with a dislocated hip, but my doctor discovered it before it was irreversible.

    -My middle name is Mae. I wish it were my first! I think if I moved somewhere where no one knew me, I would start going by it.

    -I used to be incredibly confident in my looks when I was younger; now, not so much.

    -I have been in college part time for 7 years, and still am undecided on a major. I am torn between doing something practical, and doing something I love. I fear failure.

    Great blog. Keep it up. Hopefully I'll have something worthy to post on my own soon.

    xo Miss Mae

    PS I love that Braid song. xo

  90. keiko-
    my best friend showed me your blog a few weeks ago and i think it was the best present. i love reading about your life in new your and all of the fun that you have! i live in california, but i was born in virginia. i miss the east coast, and ive always wanted to see new york city :]

  91. oh my goodness! i just started following your blog late last year and i must say you described me completely in your latest post, but you worded it much more beautifully :) i love to read your blog!

    SP Mayonaise = my favorite song...EVER!

  92. In 2003 I bought a skirt from you that was made out of a clever crab-shack t-shirt. I have it in a keepsake trunk in my house.

    My very own first pet was Zebra, an overweight, loving, cuddly cat, who passed away on February 9, 2010. He was amazing and my husband dug a hole in the middle of the snowy night so we could bury him in our back yard, his very favorite place to be when he was alive.

    I'm a homebody.

    My husband and I met in a sociology class four years ago and got married two years ago. During the two years before we got married, we broke up and got back together 3 times before the final time stuck.

    I worked in a costume shop during my entire undergraduate career. I quit because I wanted a job I could take "more seriously". Now I work in a law firm and wish I had a "less serious" job.

  93. I've always loved your blog more than others because of how much you share about yourself on it.

    And because you shared, I'll share:
    - I can't drive with shoes on.
    - I'm very blunt in the way I word things.
    - I've never been in love.
    - I have no desire to ever get married or have children.
    - I'm still figuring out what I want to do with my life.
    - I can't brush my teeth standing in the bathroom.

    Also, I saw this, and thought of you:

  94. hey keiko,
    i loved this post, i love how honest you are. i consider myself the same. my prom date was gay too, high school was not the best time for me either. thanks for sharing your life (and style) with us~ xoxo, natalya

  95. You are so adorable. I love this blog.

  96. There are a lot of things that define a person, and most of us can’t narrow it down to a single clique or a stereotype. Sure, some people fit one thing or another perfectly (at least from the outside looking in), but no one wants to or can fully identify with such a rigid set of rules for their persona. Because I am attempting to battle the repercussions of a…messy year I am trying to promote a more positive outlook on life for myself, so I choose to be defined here by the things that make me happy. Of course this is not an exhaustive list, but there are little things – things that happen once a day, once a lifetime, and everywhere in between – that make individual moments a little brighter.

    Licking the spoon
    When Jeff and Annie look at each other and I melt a bit (Community)
    Half-baked pancakes
    A great bassline
    Getting mail
    Maxxie dancing (Skins)
    When people stroke my hair
    Coffee that’s just the right temperature
    The comfort of repetition
    Soft fabric
    Old book smell
    Colourful pens
    Baby hands and feet
    That face NPH makes as Barney in the season 3 finale (HIMYM)
    Record players
    Coming to the bus stop just as the bus is arriving
    Crunchy leaves
    Bubble wrap
    Salted chocolate-covered toffees

  97. Five Things:
    1. If I am feeling unbearably stressed/unhappy/under pressure, no amount of counseling or meditating will help me, the only thing to do is cut my own hair. Just that one act of control, liberation, and expression is enough to put it all in perspective, and give me the strength to handle it all.
    2. I am more self conscious about my upper arms than any other part of my body. If I feel my sleeves are too short or my arms too visible it can send me into an irrational state of anxiety and antisocialism. It makes me want to cry.
    3. I am the shiest personI have ever known.
    4. I can rarely explain myself.
    5. I form super intense bonds with animals, they are the most honorable things we will encounter in any given day, and I believe my soul is linked with my cat's own.

  98. here's one you may find gross, and one not too many people will admit to doing themselves: i like the smell of my nose piercing-a mixture of rancid and sweet.
    is that awful to admit? methinks not.

  99. My favorite fish is the ocean sunfish. It is massive and virtually flat and actually quite funny looking but there's something so captivating about it that I could stare at one forever. I wish there was one in an aquarium where I live! (Hong Kong, although I currently go to school in Providence, Rhode Island).

    I went through middle and high school feeling ugly. It doesn't help that I lived in a city where everyone was incredibly skinny and gorgeous. So when some boys finally expressed interest in me, they became some sort of badge for me to collect, because I guess I was desperate for some kind of proof that I was likeable.

    I know better now. :)

    I cried in "Prince Of Egypt", "Hitch" "Troy", and "Pokemon: The Movie".

    I volunteered at Mother Teresa's and a children's home called Future Hope in Kolkata over a year, and that experience has changed my entire outlook on life.

    I want a tattoo, but I'm waiting until my fickle mind can decide exactly what to get!

    I am determined to be happy! There are so many cute and beautiful things in the world that although I still stumble into depression at times, I know I'll always pull myself up :)

    I like the way the word flan sounds. I also like sequins and high waisted shorts and high platform heels :)

    I like trivia....this may be obvious as this comment may have gotten too long :P

    Thanks for this <3

  100. Hello keiko,

    1. I've actually been reading your blog for about a year, but never had the courage to comment. (so yes, that's one thing now.)

    2. I'm really small (150cm), and I was pretty upset about that when I was growing up, because I was always teased.

    3. I love fuzzy hugs and warm smiles. They always make my day. (:

    4. I always wished I could sew. (I think it's amazing how you can sew all those beautiful dresses.)

    5. I love quaint little cafes, and the heart-to-heart chats with my friends there. (:

  101. Mad Girls' Love Song is definitely one of my favorite poems. People think I'm weird when they read it, but eh. It's so good.

  102. aww thanks for sharing all these random tidbits about yourself! definitely love stopping by your blog because i feel like you put a lot of time and love into everything you do. :)

    some random facts about myself:
    - i've lived in 5 different cities across 2 countries over the past 4 years

    - after 3 years of being in a relationship with my best friend, we called it quits because i couldn't get a grasp on my own insecurities. even though it's been almost 6 months since we've been apart, i still love & miss him dearly.

    - i like having a copilot in my car who has similar music tastes... good tunes on the road are a MUST (and the lucky person in my passenger's seat always gets to play DJ with their iPod)

    - i am the biggest junkfood lover you will probably ever meet. McDonald's is my go-to place ALL THE TIME!

    i think that sums my ridiculous self up quite well in a nutshell! :D

  103. I'll catch up with the rest of these, later...but Sonya, I wonder the same thing! It always shows the same posts!

  104. i just love that little girl! that is one of my favorite you tube videos ever. your post was just awesome. i appreciate your genuineness and honesty.

    hmmm, some random streghth/weakness about me? let me see. well, i've had a boatload of boyfriends. that's not me bragging, because i actually admire those women who find their soul mates at a young age, marry them, and have a happy family. but alas, it wasn't the course my life would take. i was actually married once-for 8 years (we're still good friends). the thought of "ending up alone" was such a huge fear of mine to overcome. i come from a big family and my parents met young, married young, stayed married, had 4 kids, and adore each other still. it's ridiculous! my mother had no boyfriends before my dad. i've also always been surrounded by lots of extended family (my mother was the oldest of 10 kids! and my father has a sister who had 5 kids!) grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and now i have nephews. i was surprised to "end up" single at fist, because since i was a little girl, i thought my life's trajectory would mimic my mother's. and for a while, when i was happily married, i thought i was on the "right path". life has a way of throwing a wrench into plans now and then, though. but what has been even more surprising than ending up single was the eventual realization that i'm actually happier than i've ever been living on my own, in my own house, with 2 my 2 awesome dogs! the single life really suits me. who would have guessed? i wish society would actually encourage singlehood as a viable adult lifestyle option, especially for women. i love the marrieds, big families, and i loved being married. but i've realized, we don't all have to be married with kids to find happiness, purpose, and meaning in our lives. who wants to live in a world where everyone is the same? i really believe more than ever that society needs a mix of people and lifestyles to keep it interesting and stimulating.

  105. Hi Keiko, I got kicked out of puppy pre-school because I had a tantrum! We were teaching dominance and we had to make them wear a choker collar and yank on it and make this throaty noise. Anyway, I was and Jas was responding fine as far as I was concerned. The instructor came over and said I wasn't being forceful enough and grabbed the leash out of my hand, and yanked so hard my poor little 8wk old Labrador puppy was airborn and yelped. So I cracked a massive hissy fit, I was yelling and crying and wasn't welcome back. I think my reason for throwing the tantrum was justified, even if the tantrum wasn't the best way to handle it.

  106. Love this post! Thank you for sharing. You gotta love a girl who appreciates both Whitesnake AND ninja turtles. And no judging: I've totally loved more than one person at a time. It's scary. Thank you so much for admitting that here; now I feel slightly less alone. :)

  107. When I was a junior in high school, I had to recite a poem in front of my English class and I chose Mad Girl's Love Song. It's five years later and while that's not my favorite poem, Sylvia Plath is still my favorite poet no matter how many other poets I discover.

  108. Keiko, I know this is a tell-all, but your tone worried me just a little...hope you and Bobby are doing okay, and more importantly that you as a person are doing well. Love your blog just as much as ever.

  109. I'm a hapa florida girl too whooo
    I love being loud obnoxious and eliciting reactions out of people, but at the same time I can be so insecure about things
    I always looked out for your outfits on weardrobe before I knew about your blog hehe
    I hate r&b music
    every year I promise myself to grow out my hair, but it always ends up getting hacked off in impatience/annoyance

  110. I was inspired by this post & did my own!

  111. Keiko, I just noticed that you commented back on this! I had quite a few different lj names, tomatoheart was the last one I think... before that baja & maive (I think... goodness, it's been so long!)

  112. hey... i dont know if you still read these comments, but hey, ill write this comment anyways

    -when i was in elementary school, i was very shy. i had a best friend and you could say i was kind of her "sidekick", ugh, i feel so stupid saying that but i supose it true. i was way to shy to stick out on my own. so i never really had the chance to break out on my own and make good friends other than her. then when she left before the start of middle school, another girl came and she and i became fast friends(we still are), i was still pretty shy then so when we hit middle school, i was still under her "wing" you could say. she was pretty popular and i was too i guess because i was her best friend. but i still was too shy to make any new friends so, when everyone else was making lots of new friends, i wasnt. and now, in high school, im kicking myself because i think that being "sheltered" in the social world set me back. i was a late bloomer friend wise. but im happy to say, that i am NOT that shy anymore and have made more friends, but i still do wonder what could have happened had i not been socialy "sheltered".

    well that was pretty darn long. i love posting random facts about myself too, so i think i will conintue it on my blog ( :

    and keiko? I was wondering what ethnicity you are. im thinking like from somewhere in the middle east. but thats just a wild guess, my cousins husband is Persian and you look sorta like his sister.

    haha, and that made this comment even longer ( :

  113. I love jessica and her affirmation.

  114. I remember you writing some of these before in another entry. . I guess that was almost a year ago that you wrote that one.

    Anyway I have a driving song too. It is Fat Bottom Girls by Queen. I have NO idea why that song other than I love the beat while I drive. haha. I won't write any more because you get a million comments and it probably infests your mailbox.

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  116. awww LOST, how I miss you so. Thats my favorite episode. and yes, it makes me cry too. I cried the entire series finale. I also cried at the end of Lord of the boyfriend didnt talk to me for 3 days when he saw me do that (true story).

    I really respect that you put yourself out there like that. Everyone judges, but the bigger person is the one that brushes off the negativity.

    Love your blog!