Wednesday, August 7, 2013

don't worry, baby.




Growing up in an eternal state of summer meant the season was somewhat lost on me, once I graduated and went away. Without a school year to mark its beginning and end, the brevity of sunshine magic and sleeping in, of sandy toes and freckled noses - it simply lost its significance, and very abruptly. That significance, of course, being a brief reprieve from backpacks and heavy loads of homework, when it came right down to it. Even though I was pretty fond of school and came to think of it as a sort of refuge, there were times when I was absolutely desperate to just be a kid. I remember counting down the weeks, days, hours and even minutes until that last school bell. We rarely had any family vacations planned, and I never attended a camp like many of my peers (nor did I want to), but the idea of getting to wake up later than six or seven in the morning was enough of a holiday for me. I usually spent my time out at the ranch, riding Shawn through the tomato fields or swimming in the pond, playing tag on horseback with my friends, or hiding out in our "secret" clubhouse. Rarely would I ever allow myself to worry about anything further from that very moment. It's easy to live in the present as a child whose weight is already a little too much to carry through each day, and easier to find comfort in a tucked away spot, long since forgotten and waiting for new stories. And we loved to make up stories about the past, almost as much as we enjoyed forging new ones for the future. Those days, wild and free in our secret hideaway with our little ponies in tow - those were our happiest days.

I'm now twenty-eight, and I long for that kind of summer more than I ever did as a teen. They eventually tore down our clubhouse, after a failed plan to chain ourselves to it in protest. We had no chain, nor did we even look for any - but the spirit was there. Our ability to keep a building intact, however, was not. Eventually they closed the fields, built apartments where we used to take our horses swimming, and families started to move away. We grew older, my first horse passed, and our ties to one another weakened. It was a gradual process, but looking back, it seems as though it all went away in a horribly rushed manner. Childhood is like that, isn't it? One day you're rounding up to halves and three-quarters, and the next you're hanging on to the tail end of a decade.

In my later teen years, I relegated myself to an indoor summer of shifts at the local mall's pretzel shop, and started saving up for college. I often daydreamed of a summer romance, never actually pursued one, and instead spent a great deal of time worrying about the last days of my youth. The older I got, the harder it was for me to focus on the present. And with my head always clogged with worries about the future, all those summers I used to look forward to became more and more distant. It wasn't until I moved to New York that I remembered what it even was, and not until this year that I made the effort to actually enjoy it. There's no more school for me to remember it by, but the leaves ring it in and out. And as I've also been making more of an effort to be present - to think about the right here and now - I find myself spending less time holed up inside, and more in the fresh air, enjoying my days and making new adventures. 
Here's to sunshine falling on covered shoulders, and worries left at home. Summer, I think I love you, again. 


p.s. The hat is Kate Spade (but I bought it second-hand) and the dress is vintage.

40 comments:

  1. Love the summer feeling in your picture ! So nice !

    XX Luba

    Animal print blouse and Chanel-like flats in my look today
    http://www.well-living-blog.com

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  2. You look beautiful. I love the summer <3

    xx Mira

    www.glamdevils.com

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  3. Such a beautiful post... And I'm thinking the same things, summer isn't as good as it was when I was a child :(

    Nadia from The Life In A Year

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  4. I have those memories too, it scares me that I will never feel that way again.

    / Avy
    http://MyMotherFuckedMickJagger.blogspot.com




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  5. Amazing post, I love the photo!

    http://www.martasfashiondiary.com/

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  6. A gorgeous post, I always worry about the future and long for the past, without enjoying the present. Thank you for this post! xx

    http://nekotonotanoshii.blogspot.co.uk/

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  7. I've really enjoyed your writing here, you're so talented. Hope your days are filled with many adventures and beautiful things to look forward for. <3

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  8. I adore that photo! It just screams summer!

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  9. That photo is fantastic. Simply fantastic.

    Also, good on you for attempting to be more present in the moment!

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  10. l0ve this photo!

    Welcome to my world, xx
    juliannawerty.blogspot.se

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  11. Very nice to read you, we're all the same we all want to be adult & then after we realize how be a child was awesome! Adore this pic ;)
    http://theladyvintage.blogspot.fr/

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  12. what a fantastic post, you captured everything perfectly.

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  13. Ever read the Zen Habits blog? Some good stuff on staying present in the moment.
    http://zenhabits.net/

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  14. Whoa. That how I feel/felt. Trying to always be present is hard.

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  15. Beautiful sentiments; I can completely relate. I woke up the other morning to the realization that it was August, AUGUST, for crying out loud; thinking about childhood summers before going to my office job and spending every spare moment remodeling my home and planning my wedding... I don't really know where the time went, but "I swear I'd drink anything to be young again."

    <3 dani
    http://blog.shopdisowned.com
    www.shopdisowned.com

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  16. love that photo

    www.pinklemonincrystal.blogspot.com

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  17. Wow! I envy your ways of writing. I can relate as well. I am a thinker and it's hard to focus on the present, funny I was just thinking this morning how the only time I don't think is when I'm asleep, so maybe that's why I love to sleep. Anyway, really love you floppy sun hat! Just ordered these loafers http://lolyinthesky.com/collections/loafers/products/sonia that reminds me of your hat..you might like it.

    Xoxo,
    Shella

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  18. I think that summer, no matter how old we are is always too short. Whether we make the effort to enjoy it or not. I think its important to take all the opportunities of summer, so as not to regret it!

    http://thelostandfoundadventure.blogspot.ca

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  19. Beautiful post. Even prettier picture.

    Tanya xx

    November Grey

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  20. Beautiful post <3

    www.the-goldensoul.blogspot.com

    XOXO,
    Inês

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  21. this photos is just awesome!!!!

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  22. Oh my goodness, can you write longer posts like this more often?! Keiko, you're such a beautiful writer, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. You took me back to my youth and summer's scraping my knees in the back yard. Thank you for the reminder to stay in the present and enjoy the moment.

    erinbulger.blogspot.ca

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  23. Beautiful photo and a great post to read! I'm neck-deep in dissertation work this summer and definitely yearning for the carefree summers of my youth. But trying to relish all of my free, summery moments as parts of Toronto are beautiful this time of year :)

    -Jen

    www.vibrantbeautyblog.com

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  24. I can totally relate to your story. You cannot be in NY City without being out and about. Even a walk on E 57th steet and FIFTH AVE can brighten up your day. It is very important to live in the "here and now". Give today all you've got because tomorrow is not promised. P.S: I love your blog.
    http://www.chicfromhair2toe.com/

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  25. ah this is so relatable :) beautifully written!

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  26. so beautiful :)
    http://thewearwithal.typepad.com/

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  27. Marvellous article, Keiko..

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  28. I grew up with eternal winter and I still don't miss winter! Lovely post.

    Cheers! from,
    www.champagnesundayliving.com

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  29. Hello, I really like the design of your blog, it is such a perfect inspiration for me! Good luck with your work, I will visit your blog more often! Alina

    Tahiti Street Style:
    http://alinasavin.blogspot.com

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  30. Posts like these are my favorite because we are reminded that you are a wonderful, descriptive writer. I always enjoy reading your reflections on the past.

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  33. love love love your blog. will make sure to visit back frequently! well done darling!

    www.roxysun.com

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  34. THAT HAT!!!!!!! Absolutely dying of the perfection that is that photo! Love xa million. I am a big fan of your blog! : )

    www.FerociaFatale.com

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